I’ve just been sitting here writing a very long and negative letter about my life with my husband. The past days and actually much of my marriage. I had to delete it because with all of my heart, I do not wish to speak negatively. I believe that negative words cause negative reactions. I am not perfect and I do not wish to sound like I think I am. I have those “negative” times and I have said many, many negative things in my life. However, I have witnessed the destruction that they cause. I also have witnessed the healing that positive words have caused and I really enjoyed it. I believe that God will heal this situation. It has been 24 years standing but I still believe it will heal. . .
I applaud you for having the courage to reach out for help and for being sensitive to how your words can hurt someone else!
I understand about your hesitancy to express negativity. Sometimes we confuse “negativity” with speaking truth. The truth needs to be spoken with love but to the hearer it may sound negative. Think of how Christ spoke to the Pharisees in Matthew 23:27-28 (NKJ), “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.”
In speaking truth, Christ was trying to wake up the Pharisees to their deplorable actions. Speaking truth probably will cause pain/hurt for someone else but not harm them. If we have a physical pain, don’t we seek out help to address that pain and find solutions so that the pain will go away? If there is something wrong within us and we never feel pain, we will probably die. Pain is an indication that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. Creating an environment that will bring the sinful person to the point of pain is not an easy task.
In Matthew 18, it talks about what to do if someone sins against you. It is our responsibility to address the evil. This is done in hopes of the individual repenting and changing their sinful behavior and becoming the person God intended them to be. If we remain silent, there is no hope for the other person to change.
When the negativity you feel is not expressed in a constructive way, it will be stuffed down inside of you. It will build within you until there is no more room. It may then come out in the form of destructive anger and then turn to bitterness. Also if you keep stuffing your feelings, it may lead to depression and the destruction of your spirit. I have a suggestion for you. Write down your negative thoughts. When you have done that then rip it up. Another thing you can do when no one is around is to take an empty chair and place it across from you. Pretend that your husband is sitting in that chair and speak the thoughts and truths that you would like to say. These are some constructive ways you can express yourself and get the anger out.