Comments on: Heart Piercing Wounds

By: Roberta L Vesely

Roberta L Vesely — Fri, 03 Dec 2021 05:09:04 +0000

Teri,
I feel your emotionally pain, as I too deal with alot of the same issues you have as well. I have prayed about what I can do to make it better, but I finally just gave it all to God. I cannot change him if he will not acknowledge, then change his bad behaviors. The constant blaming, bringing up the past, put downs, criticisms and the never ending vicious name calling at times is too much to bear. But I have found that I no longer engage with him when he becomes this intollerant. My headphones are my greatest gift, for it is there with music I no longer have to listen to his hours of vile name calling, and vicious attacks. I’m afraid that these types of humans (Narcissists) will never get it. Their never ending drama only feeds off of you if you respond to it. I just don’t reply anymore when he behaves in this manner. It is not worth adding fuel to his fire. And it is to my only peace of mind that I do this. No one deserves to be filled with such poison. NOBODY!!! Why they do this is beyond me. Apparently love, and affection is something they do not desire, as my husband is certainly not getting this from me. Then he wonders why…..DUH!!!!

By: Roberta Medema

Roberta Medema — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 16:54:26 +0000

All these words are so very true. I have been in a verbally abusive marriage for 10 years. My husband rages daily, is consumed by self-pity, will not communicate, ignores me for weeks at a time, does not valadate my feelings in any way, is addicted to alcohol and what makes it worse, I am in business with him and have to be with him every day. Crying is my way of life. So, thank you for this website and I fully intend to come to the closest support group!

By: Teri

Teri — Fri, 23 Aug 2013 03:50:28 +0000

I wrote this yesterday
My Pain

You will never see a bruise on me, but I can assure you the scars run deep.

You take my not answering the phone or returning your call to mean I am rude or unfriendly but really I know if I was to even say hi, the tears would flow and may never stop.

I ask myself every day, what did I do? What can I do to fix this?

Oh you will never know the heartache and humiliation, because he is good at controlling himself around others.

He can act like he loves me and maybe in someway he does, but his love doesn’t bring security or contentment, only confusion.

He can be loving one minute and the moment I let my guard down and start to relax, watch out. Something I said, something I did, the way I talk, the way I dress, the way I look, something will set him off.

It may not be the moment when it happens, it could be a day, a week even a month later when I will find out what I did wrong in your eyes, how I messed up again.

You hurt me and I cry, then you tell me I am week. How can I be strong when the one who is supposed to love me treats me so poorly?

By: Paula

Paula — Tue, 06 Aug 2013 14:26:23 +0000

In reply to Ronda.

Your husband’s apology does not match up with a change in behavior. He had to save face since his anger came out in public. Mentioning that he could have a heart attack is a control mechanism to keep you from standing up to him. There is no evidence that you can trust him. I would suggest reading our article, Repentance…Change…Reconciliation, found under our Resources on our website. This is the link to the article. https://www.focusministries1.org/articles/RepentanceChangeReconciliation.pdf.

If you don’t stand up for what is right, you enable his behavior to continue.

By: Paula

Paula — Tue, 06 Aug 2013 14:26:23 +0000

In reply to Ronda.

If you don’t stand up for what is right, you enable his behavior to continue.

By: Ronda

Ronda — Tue, 06 Aug 2013 14:00:09 +0000

I was in a very abusive marriage for three years and got out of it. I have been remarried for nearly four. My husband now teaches Sunday school and claims to be a Godly Christian man. He is emotionally and verbally abusive. He has threatened to divorce me over and over to get his way. I finally put my foot down and told him he will not do that anymore. He ended up showing anger at me in a bible study we were in. Last night he.apologize to me in front of everyone confessing he is abusive. I would love to believe him, but part of me wonders if it.was for show? He has confessed to me at home that he is abusive, yet will turn right.around and talk down to me. He says he has anger issues and he is a recovering alcoholic six years. He also has a bad heart seems like everytime things go.wrong his warning me he might.have another heart attack. I don’t know I just don’t trust what he says

By: Paula

Paula — Tue, 15 May 2012 22:56:24 +0000

In reply to Kerri.

In verbally and emotionally abusive relationships, there can be confusion and chaos. The person’s world consists of a roller coaster of ups and downs mixed with distrust of one’s own perceptions. The crazy making keeps the victim off balance which makes it easier for the abuser to keep control and have power over. It is critical to have outside support and individuals that understand that can keep the victim in reality and give them the tools to set boundaries. We are here to help. We have walked that journey. There is hope and healing. God cares about you and so do we. Please feel free to contact us at contactus@focusministries1.org.

Paula

By: Kerri

Kerri — Tue, 15 May 2012 17:30:27 +0000

These words couldn’t be more true. I needed to hear these words today. I am struggling to survive in a verbally and emotionally abusive home. I often feel like I am going crazy and that I am the one with the problem.

Thank you for sharing this!