Realizing the lies, enduring the abuse, and healing can be a very long journey. In Joshua 1:9, God reassures Joshua for task before him. “Be strong and courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go.”

This reassurance is for us also. God does not bring us back to our old self but creates a new better us. We experience healing as he creates a new and improved us. How cool is that!

FOCUS Ministries

Other forms of abuse gave way to physical aggression during the last two years we lived together and God told me to get ready to leave. We had ministered as a family so many places and I had a number of supportive gestures made at first.

Now there seems to be a “Hurry up and get over it!” mentality showing up. However, although I have been separated from my minister-husband for 10 months, the first 2 months were spent with church family and the next 4 months at a domestic violence shelter.

I have only been “on my own” with our four children for about 4 months. This is my first time on my own since I left my mother’s house to marry him 18 years ago! The emotional fall-out for me & the kids (3 teens and 1 pre-teen) has been so discouraging at times. I now see him at least once a week as he spends time with the children or occasionally gives us a lift to the store.

I am using this time as testing, like the article in the newsletter and although he has not been aggressive, he slides veiled criticisms in conversations and will not answer many direct questions–though he expects his questions to be answered.

As I seek God’s directive for moving on with my life with my children, I am not yet my “old self”. I have 2 part-time jobs and God has shown me favor in so many ways during this process. Sometimes I get an unction to stay home from church and rest with the kids; then the pastor calls the next week and “wonders” which church he should call to check on us. He has my address and telephone number! I have learned that sometimes people will help according to their own agenda.

I thank God that He gave me those last 10 years with my husband to gather strength spiritually and emotionally to handle this difficult and sometimes confusing period. Just wish I could see the conclusion of the matter.

Did you know that a polar bears skin is black? Now, a hundred “good” Christian men who have never really gotten to know polar bears would assume that his skin is white or pink. But I know its not, God knows it’s not. And those men saying it can’t possible be black doesn’t make it so. The people who look at you with hatred or anger, they don’t know you, they don’t know your life, your heart, your soul. But we know Who does. Praise God for His perfect love! Wrap your arms around yourself and say something nice about God’s precious girl. He’d want you too. 🙂

Learning how to be healthy first starts with putting up boundaries with unhealthy people.

Dealing with people who hate you can be tricky. In the words of Dr. Henry Cloud, why would you want to? We try to change people’s perspective of us, but with some people that is not possible because they make a choice not to. It is normal to want people to like us, but in reality not all will. So we have to let go knowing that we do not need their approval nor is our identity found in their viewpoint of us. Our identity is in Christ. If we are confident of that, then we can let go of the need to have someone’s approval. In healing from others hatred of us, we need to look within ourselves to see why we need their approval. Are we codependent in the relationship or is their mutual caring, trust, and respect as in a healthy relationship?