I can understand why you could be afraid. First of all God loves you immensely and does not want you to be mistreated. Staying in a relationship that is causing you harm is not love. It is enabling the sin of the abuser to continue. God created you uniquely with great value. It sounds like you may feel that you are unlovable or have not value. If that is so, where did that message come from?

It is difficult to speak up when one’s voice has been taken away because of abuse. God did use your courage in a positive way to change a heart. Triggers can occur at any time. It is at moments like that that we can rest assured that God is there with us calming our heart. Overtime triggers will be less intense as we learn how to respond to them. God saw your need to have a job and he provided one in which he will build confidence.

Thank you for this timely post. I really needed the encouragement and reminder. It has been just over a year since my abuser abandoned me during a reconciliation attempt–after withholding rent for 4 months when I was too ill to work ensuring that I would be homeless and broke when he left. During this time, I have learned some painful lessons about being careful who I share my story with. I have had someone immediately pray for me to forgive the departed “brother” and to let God restore the relationship…I think the word ”gossip” was used in that prayer(so, speaking up about the abuse was gossiping?). I was told by another that I am not moving on (because I still have periods of panic attacks, depression and other symptoms of PTSD) or doing the best for my kids (all are grown except my 17 year old). The underlying message has been to just get over it and move on already…while the effects of 20+ years in an abusive marriage tend to linger and countless triggers render me immobile at inopportune times.

For example, on my current contract job I am expected to help field the periodic customer billing-related calls that we receive. I didn’t know this until after I started there a year ago. Early on, I experienced extreme anxiety when taking calls and I didn’t know why–it’s like my thoughts would scatter and I would stumble through the calls. I would then have awful panic attacks on the commute home but didn’t know at the time that it was connected. You see, there was a time before the first separation when my husband wouldn’t allow me to use our only phone; he fielded my calls and only let me talk to someone he approved, with him listening in near me to jump in at any time. The office where I work is small and you can overhear everyone’s calls–sometimes colleagues will jump in to help out/correct one another in the middle of a call. Not a bad thing for them, since they have worked together for years and years, are a tightly-knit group and find it helpful to do so. For me, it takes me back to that awful time. I still avoid calls as much as possible to avoid triggering the panic attacks but I work my tail off with my other duties. By the grace of God, although this avoidance of phone calls has become noticeable, I still have a job.

God had urged me to speak up about to my potential manager during the interview process last year when she inquired about the personal reasons related to resigning from my previous job (abuse–>failing health = unable to work for 1 year. She congratulated me on getting out and within days, I was offered the contract. It was embarrassing to speak up after being blasted for doing so previously, especially during a job interview. But in the end, I believe God used it to plant a seed of compassion in her heart.