“That was him, I know it was him,” Little Wife whispered to herself.  She peeked into the rear view mirror of the rental car to catch another look at the car that had just passed her by.  Big Man had mysteriously appeared at the scene of the car crash two days before.  Her phone showed multiple calls from his number and also a number she and her phone didn’t recognize.

She drove very carefully to her volunteer worksite.  She was still very shook up about the accident.  How did she not see the Ford Escape SUV she had rammed into?  How did Big Man suddenly show up at the scene of the accident?  It had been over a week since her own escape from the grip of Big Man. She had told nobody where she was staying (because she never really knew for sure).  And yet, there he was, growling and threatening her in the presence of the town police.

Little Wife was thankful for friends who helped her after the accident.  The police report, the notification to the insurance company, the follow-up to the car rental agency – it all went like clockwork, everything fell into place in perfect timing and she knew that the Lord was with her, watching over her, protecting her and providing all that she needed in these stressful days after the escape from Big Man.

And yet, hearing his voice and seeing his angry face was so very disturbing to Little Wife.  He was still able to intimidate her and scare her, and he knew it.  She could still hear his taunt at the accident scene, “I’m not done with you, Little Wife.”  What did that even mean?

She parked near her volunteer worksite where she was able to use the computers and copiers, so important in her job search.  She opened the car door slowly glancing up and down the street, hoping that she could walk to the office without any trouble.  She was still quite a small Little Wife and worried about things.

She carefully crossed the street, and then she saw Big Man’s stone cold face in the speeding silver car.  She tripped, stumbled and then jumped up on the curb, just as he sped by, driving so fast that the air whistled.  Little Wife gave a little scream of panic and ran into the office where she hoped she would be safe.  Office workers glanced up at her as she dashed to the back of the office with no hello’s or how are you’s.  When she could catch her breath, she called out to her fellow-volunteer friends, “Don’t tell him I’m here.  Please don’t tell him anything.”

As Little Wife stood in a corner in the back of the office, shaking and crying, the front door of the office opened and she heard the voice of Big Man say, “Where is my Little Wife?  I know she’s here.”

“Oh no, Mr. Big Man, we have not seen her yet this morning.  We are very busy today, but she has not come into the office yet today.”  Even though Little Wife could not see the receptionist, she knew she would be wearing her “all business” face. “Goodbye, sir.  Have a nice day.”  Little Wife heard the front door open, close and then silence.

She ran out to the receptionist, tears running down her cheeks.  “Thank you, Millie, thank you.  You are so brave.  I am so scared.  He is following me wherever I go.  He won’t leave me alone.”  Little Wife crumpled into a chair sobbing.  “What will I do?  Where will I go? He knows where I am all the time.”

Millie put her arm around Little Wife and walked with her to the coffee room.  “I will help you get an order of protection against this Big Man.  There’s a special order against stalking in our town.  He won’t get away with this.”

Little Wife sat down with Millie for about an hour, trying to remember every time in the past few days when she had spotted Big Man following her or sneaking up behind her or calling or texting her.  They wrote it all down with lots of details.  “Do you have video evidence of this man stalking you?” asked Millie firmly.

“No, Millie,” answered Little Wife quietly.  “The camera on my phone doesn’t work.”

“That’s okay, we have quite a bit of documentation here.  Let’s go to the courthouse in my car. We will speak with the court advocates about helping us with a petition.  They will go with us into the courtroom to see the judge. I know you are scared, my friend, but I’ll be with you.  It will be okay.”

*****

Chaplain’s Note:  Stalking is extremely fearful and a common form of intimidation after a woman has left her abusive husband.  Stalking is abuse. Stalking is against the law. When the judge grants a stalking order and it is served to the stalker, he must abide by the details.  If he breaks the order and stalks the woman anyway, he will be charged with a misdemeanor.  If the abuser breaks the stalking order of protection a second time, he will be charged with a felony offense and will immediately serve time in jail.

What a comfort to know that our Lord watches over us even after we have left the abuser!  God sees our plight and He is moving to protect us.  He will use friends, co-workers, the police and the judicial system to keep us safe.  He is our refuge and strength, a strong tower where we can run in and be safe. Jesus loves you and has a much better plan for your life.

“For He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.  He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and buckler.  You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.”  Psalm 91:3-6

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After her escape from Big Man, Little Wife filled her days with job hunting, apartment searching and driving her children to school and their activities, trying to keep life for the children as normal as possible, all things considered.  There was so much to consider and many life details to be worked out.

They stayed for a few days with Little Wife’s oldest daughter until the roommate returned.  After that her sons went to stay with their friends.  She and her youngest daughter, Belle, stayed with friends mostly, couch-surfing.  Sometimes they slept in the car.  Sometimes Little Wife couldn’t find any other solution.  Though it was a very difficult time, God always kept them safe.  It seemed that they had truly escaped from Big Man.

Finally the school year came to a close.  Little Wife wanted to treat young Belle to her favorite after school snack to celebrate the last day of school.  “How about chicken nuggets and fries?” and Little Wife smiled when Belle’s eyes lit up.  “Okay here we go!” 

She drove and talked happily and sang along with the car radio.  The sun had suddenly gone behind a cloud, but their moods were wonderfully cheerful and carefree.  For a little while they forgot that they were homeless.  For a little while they were just a mother and a daughter going to McDonald’s.  

When they were just a block away from their destination, the clouds opened up and the rain poured down.  Little Wife signaled for a left turn and didn’t see the oncoming car.  And it was too late.

CRASH!!!

Little Wife couldn’t believe her eyes.  Deeply in shock and stunned by the suddenness of the crash, she quickly asked little Belle, “Are you alright, honey?  Omigosh, I’m so sorry, are you alright?”

Steam was coming out of the front end of Little Wife’s car.  She quickly got out and pulled Belle with her.  The other car was stuck to her car, bumper to bumper, fender to fender, locked up tight in the middle of the intersection.

“Oh no, oh no, what have I done?  What will happen to us now?”  Little Wife cried loudly as they stood in the rain.  “Are you okay, honey?  Are you sure?”  Then Little Wife went to check on the driver of the other car, noting that her SUV was a Ford Escape and its airbag had deployed.  The driver was standing on the front seat with her whole body stretching out the top of the sunroof.

“What’s wrong with you?  You crashed into my brand new Escape!  We just bought it yesterday!  You crashed into us.  What’s wrong with you?”  The woman was angry and shouting at the top of her lungs.

“I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”  Little Wife looked up into the stormy sky and the rain fell down on her.  She whispered, “Jesus, help me.”

The police came, the firetrucks came, the paramedics came.  Little Wife just stood on the sidewalk watching it all happen in front of her, like an innocent bystander, but she knew she was not an innocent bystander.  She knew she was the cause of all the trouble, all the backed up traffic, all the shouting. It was all her fault.  She could hear the voice of Big Man in her head saying, “It’s all your fault, Little Wife.  This is all your fault.  It’s always your fault.”  She looked down at the puddles on the ground and closed her eyes in shame.

And then she heard the REAL voice of Big Man!  

“Little Wife!  What did you do?  You crashed the car and it’s all your fault!  Now what are you going to do?  Good thing I got here just in time to help you and give you a ride back home. Come on, let’s just get in the car and figure this out together.  I’ll talk to the police and call a tow truck.”

“NOOOOOOOO,” Little Wife was almost screaming. Her eyes opened wide in fear.  She spun around to see Big Man standing just six feet away from her.  “Noooo, go away.  I don’t need you.  Go away and leave me alone!  Get away from me, Big Man!”

Little Wife ran towards the police car, as fast as she could with her hand holding tightly to Belle.  “Please, please help me!” she cried.  “He’s trying to hurt me!  Please let me stand here by you til he leaves. I’m so afraid.”

As Little Wife stood in the flooded street next to the squad car and watched from the safety of the nearby police officers, Big Man shook his head.  He shot her a furious glance and then walked to his car.  He turned around and shouted, “I’m not done with you yet, Little Wife!”

But Little Wife knew in her heart that she was finally done with him.

“Thank you Jesus,” she prayed.  “Thank you for keeping us safe from every hurt, harm and danger.  You are good.  Your Word is good.  Your Word is true.  You will help us today. And tomorrow.  And everyday.”

*****

Chaplain’s Note:  Jesus will never leave you.  He will never forsake you.  He loves you.  If you’ve trusted Jesus to forgive your sins, you are His precious child.  He will never walk away from you, leaving you to your own devices and fears.  He speaks, “Peace, be still” to the wind and waves in our days.  Whether we are on the run from a big man, sleeping in our car, crashing our car or some other terrible disaster, God is with us.  Turn to Him today with your troubles and find relief.  Turn to Him for comfort in the storm.  Turn to Him and believe in His amazing grace.  Turn to Him and find hope.  Turn to Him and see that He is able to save to the uttermost those who put their faith in Jesus Christ, Savior and Lord.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”  Isaiah 43:2

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The very next day Little Wife called the local police station.

“Hello, is this the police?  Yes, my name is Little Wife and I left my abusive husband yesterday.  Yes, his name is Big Man.  Yes, my children and I left him yesterday with nothing but the clothes on our backs…and a little bit of laundry detergent,” she smiled as she said that.  “We would like to go back to the house and get some of our clothes, but we are afraid to go back there.  He is very angry and very dangerous.  We are afraid he might hurt us again.”

“Little Wife, thank you for calling.  We would be glad to send a squad and two officers over to the house.  What is the address and what time will you be there?”

Little Wife got off the phone and cried tears of relief for the provision of safety.  She drove back to Big Man’s grim house later that day and saw that the police were there already, waiting for her.

“Hello, officer, yes I am Little Wife, as you can see,” she spoke quietly, looking down at her feet.  She could feel her voice shaking almost as bad as her hands and her knees.  “Thank you for meeting us here to get our clothes.  I am so afraid.”

The officer was very kind and spoke gently, “We’re glad to help, ma’am.  We will go inside with you and stay with your husband in the front room while you and your children get the things you need.  We will distract him and you’ll be safe with us in the house.”

Little Wife walked carefully up the front steps and opened the heavy door, with the children and the police officers right behind her.  She heard Big Man talking very loudly on his phone, “There’s something going on over here.  I can’t talk right now.  Yes, I’ll call you back.  I have to see what’s going on here, something’s not right.  Okay, good bye.”

She froze when she saw him walking down the hallway toward her.

“Little Wife, what is going on?  I was so worried about you, are you alright?  Where have you been?  Where did you go?  Officer, thanks for bringing her back to me, I was very worried.  I love her so much.”

“Mr. Big Man, will you please sit down here in the living room?  We would like to visit with you a bit while your wife and her children gather up some of their belongings.  Yes, everything is alright.  Please sit down and let’s talk for a little while.”  The officer was friendly but firm.  Big Man sat down with a very confused look on his face.

“Okay, ma’am, go ahead, everything is alright.  We will sit here with Mr. Big Man until you’re ready to go.”

Little Wife’s children walked quickly and seriously past Big Man to their bedrooms, each with a garbage bag to stuff some clothes in.  Little Wife paused for just a moment and looked him straight in the eye, then walked upstairs to gather her most important items and clothes.  

She could hear him downstairs talking to the police officers.  “Oh I do love my Little Wife.  We had a little disagreement yesterday after my golf outing, but we are really so much in love.  I would do anything for her.  She’s very sensitive and gets confused so easily.  If I could just go upstairs and talk with her for a few minutes, I’m sure we could get this all settled.  I’ll just be right back…”

Little Wife heard one of the officers say, “No, Mr. Big Man, please sit down again and tell us about your golf game.  We will be leaving pretty soon, but we really want to hear about your round.  What’d you shoot yesterday?”

She had been holding her breath, but now Little Wife exhaled and started breathing again.  She finished her tasks quickly and went to help her children.  It didn’t take very long and they were ready to go again. 

“Thank you, Officers, yes we are done here.  Really done.”  Little Wife and her children walked past Big Man again.  She noticed he was turning a deep shade of red, always the first sign that he was very very angry.  

“Mr. Big Man, could you please have a seat here for just a few more minutes?  Thank you, sir.”

“But what’s going on,” he asked very loudly.  “Why is she leaving with her clothes?  I don’t know why she is acting like this.  Usually she is so loving and sweet, so kind and caring.  Why, my Little Wife would never hurt a fly.  Are you okay, darlin’?  You know how much I love you.  I know you’ll be back soon, right?”

Little Wife and her children walked out to the car with their bulky plastic bags and arms full of important books and papers.  “Is everyone okay?” she asked as they pulled away from the curb.

“Yes, Mom, we’re fine.  Let’s get out of here.”

“Sounds great to me.  Thank you, Jesus.”  

*****

Chaplain’s Note:  Escaping from our abusers can be a very frightening experience.  We know they will be angry with us.  We know they might try to manipulate us to return.  Of course, they will make promises to never hurt us again if only we will only come back to them.  Gentle reader, be strong in the Lord and the power of His love.  He will care for you in the most amazing ways when you trust in Him.  Don’t be afraid to trust His heart, even when you can’t see His hand.  He has given you a sound mind and will give you all the wisdom you need to make healthy choices, a brand new start in life.  Sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith believing that our Father’s love is greater than anything else we know.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.”    2nd Timothy 1:7

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Kiara first contacted FOCUS Ministries last fall when she and her five-year old daughter, Ellie,  were living in their car because they had recently escaped from the abuse of Ellie’s father.  She and her daughter came to our office to talk about how life was very very difficult for them.  Her daughter was very sweet and quietly colored a picture while Kiara told her story.  We were blessed to be able to give her gift cards to help with food and gas in her car.

Besides the physical and emotional abuse, the abuser had used the court system against Kiara.  She had endured many hearings in a nearby county, trying to obtain an order of protection against this dangerous man.  Finally she received the order of protection, after much perseverance and the Lord’s intercession for her.

This young woman of faith has seen the hand of God all over her circumstances these past six months and her faith has grown tremendously because of His goodness and provision.  She attended our support group and found the other women in the circle were very understanding and prayed for her.  She told us stories of childhood abuse from members of her family who were involved in witchcraft and the cult of freemasonry.

She connected with a shelter program for victims of domestic violence and was placed in a rental property with friends donating furniture and beds and food and necessities of life with a five-year old.  She enrolled Ellie in school and found employment at the day care department of the school so she could be close to her daughter.

Then Kiara got very sick.  

She couldn’t come to our support group and could barely talk on the phone.  She stopped attending the local food co-op.  We learned that Kiara was suffering from the effects of a broken furnace which was leaking carbon monoxide into the air of the home as well as gas leaks from the hot water heater.  The landlord was unresponsive to her requests for maintenance.  The domestic shelter program was also unresponsive.

One day, she could only lie on the floor of the townhouse and cry.  Her daughter was also crying.  With strength that could only come from the Lord she raised herself up off the floor and got Ellie and herself outside into the fresh air where she called 9-1-1.

For weeks following the near death experience, Kiara and Ellie lived in her car and at different shelters and hotels.  Miraculously the Lord arranged for her to be baptized at a local church and make connections with a personal injury lawyer to fight the legal battles against the dead-beat, neglectful landlord.

Last month, Kiara moved to another state where she lives with a friend of a friend who needed a roommate.  Within twenty-four hours of arrival, she had registered her daughter in a good school and found ample employment for her new life.  

All along the way, GOD has been faithful to Kiara and Ellie.  She sees it in her miraculous recovery from carbon monoxide poisoning.  She sees His deliverance when she escaped from abuse. She sees it in the sweet faith of her little girl.  She sees His faithfulness in friends who stepped up when she had nowhere to go.  She sees His tender hand in every provision and protection in her life.

Kiara sees that trusting the Lord doesn’t guarantee a trouble-free life, but He promises to care for us and to never leave us in our darkest times.  It is a blessing for FOCUS Ministries to help and serve and support women like Kiara and her precious Ellie.  May the Lord bless and keep you today and always as you come alongside our ministry and moms like Kiara.

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Big Man stood in the middle of the street with his hands on his hips, watching Little Wife drive away.  “She’s not worth it.  She’ll be back.  She has nowhere to go and she needs me.  She’ll be back in a little while, after she cools off.  She’s just not worth it, but she sure does need me,” and he walked back into his grim house, alone, mumbling to himself.

Meanwhile Little Wife was driving further and further away from his grim house, checking her rearview mirror and making important phone calls.  She felt empowered, full of energy and purpose.  She felt completely in control.  She felt like she was flying.

First she called her oldest daughter.  “Hi honey, this is Mom.  The kids and I escaped.  Can we stay with you for a couple of days until we make a plan?” 

“What?” Her daughter was incredulous and couldn’t believe the good news.  “Mom, of course!  My roommate is gone for a few days.  Yes, please stay here.   We’ll make a plan.  You’ll be safe here.  We have enough room.”

Then Little Wife called her brother.  “Hi, it’s me.  The kids and I escaped and we are free from Big Man.  Can you help us?”

“What?”  Her brother was shocked and amazed and happy.  “Of course, how much do you need?  I’m here for you always.  So glad you got away from that bully Big Man.”

Then Little Wife prayed.  “Father in heaven, you know my heart.  You know my situation.  You know what I should do next.  Please help me and help my children and keep us safe.  Show me what to do next.  I need you, Jesus.”

They arrived at Susan’s apartment about an hour later.  There were tears and hugs and laughter and much discussion about the events of the day.  Little Wife told Susan about Big Man’s endless ranting and raving, his manipulation, his gaslighting, his constant controlling her, his emotional abuse and the passive-aggressive attempts to suffocate her.

“Mom, I’m so glad you escaped.  We’ll rest and make a plan.  You have nothing with you?  No clothes? No stuff?”

“No, we pretty much just walked out with just one important thing.  See your sister has her Teddy bear and Tim has his Bible and Bill has his Tide pods he brought home from college.” And they laughed about that because Bill was smiling sheepishly.  

“I sure didn’t want him to take that away from us,” he explained, and they all laughed and laughed.  It felt so good to laugh.  

Little Wife kept her eyes on her phone, knowing that Big Man would be calling soon, asking where she was and telling her to come back home.  Sure enough, she saw his number on the screen, but she didn’t answer it.  Not just once, not just twice, but five times he called and left voicemails.  She ignored all the calls and text messages.  Little Wife went dark to Big Man.

She smiled and thanked God for the pizza Susan ordered.  They ate together happily, talking about the ways that the Lord had helped them so far.  As they curled up on the couches and on the blow-up bed, Little Wife thanked God for her family, for His provision and protection and for His plan, whatever it might be.  She knew that whatever was in their future was surely better than what they experienced these past years.  She knew that flying the coop was the BEST thing she had done in a long, long while.  And God was just getting started.

******

Chaplain’s Note:  When we are at the end of our rope, when we are running from the enemy and facing the seemingly endless Sea of Impossibilities, when it seems there is no way out, when it is the darkest night of our lives, THAT is when the love of God shines brightest.  

THAT is when doors miraculously open that we didn’t even see before. 

THAT is when God shows up and shows off. 

THAT is when abuse is redeemed.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”       Proverbs 3:5-6

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So many of the people who stopped at our table were interested in our Teen FOCUS program and especially excited to hear about our new Youth Workbook Study project.  We are all in agreement that it’s important to reach the young people with the Gospel and also with all the ways they can trust God to help them identify healthy relationships and run away from “red flag relationships”.  

Several of the church and Mission Fest attendees were grateful to learn that our trainings for DV Certification and Support Group Leadership are now available on our website.

Trinity’s Pastor Keith Speaks centered his message on the struggles we face as workers in the Lord’s harvest as well as the peace and protection that comes as we remember the Lord is with us always.  Chaplain Natalie was asked to describe how the Lord Jesus Christ has protected our ministry and the women we serve locally and across the nation.

We are very grateful for the assistance of our Very Valuable Volunteer, Nancy and for ongoing opportunities to share the mission of FOCUS Ministries with the churches who faithfully support us.

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One Sunday morning, Little Wife and Big Man went to their church.  He gripped her hand tightly as they walked in and smiled brightly at the worshippers greeting them at the door.

“Good morning!  Good morning!  Yes, isn’t it a fine spring morning!  Praise the Lord for Sundays in the house of God.”

Little Wife kept her plastic smile on her face and followed Big Man into the auditorium where they took their usual seats.  Nobody could see the bruises or the shredded self-worth or the invisible wounds of emotional abuse.  The praise band started to play the first song and the congregation rose to their feet and sang with all their hearts.  Her mouth moved but no words came out.

Big Man kept his arm around his Little Wife throughout the service, squeezing her arm.  Nobody noticed that she was getting smaller and smaller.  In her little heart, she prayed silently, “Lord please deliver me from the hands and plans of evil men.”

Afterwards when they got home, Little Wife began to mix up blueberry pancakes and bacon for their Sunday brunch.  She chatted with her children and hummed a little song from church, “amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me…”

Little Wife noticed that Big Man was gathering his usual Sunday golf supplies, ten beers in the cooler and six donuts in his golf bag.  He glared at her in the kitchen.  “You’re always thinking so much about God and about your kids.  You never support me, Little Wife.  Why don’t you come along and ride in the golf cart with me and support me for a change?  You don’t even know what a good golfer I am!  You should submit to me and come along with me, because that’s what the Bible says you should do.  Honor your husband and love him and spend time with him.  You should be spending your Sundays with me, instead of always cooking for the kids and others.”

Little Wife didn’t look up from her pancake griddle, but only kept smiling and humming to herself.  “Have a nice day at the golf course, Big Man, and we’ll see you later on this afternoon.”

She couldn’t quite explain her sunny mood, even in the midst of his bad attitude and verbal abuse.  She was strangely happy and hopeful today.  Maybe because she hadn’t drank any wine for five days.  Maybe because the birds were singing outside her kitchen and the flowers were blooming. Maybe because her children were so beautiful.  Maybe because she felt the love and peace of God that passes all understanding.

After brunch, she went for a long bike ride, and let the soft breeze blow her hair.  She might be a little wife, but she could still reach the pedals of her bike.  When she got home she opened her Bible and read some Psalms.  Then she read the Gospel story of Jesus talking to the woman at the well.  She was thankful for the truth and love of Jesus.  He was kind and gracious and attentive to the woman who had given up on love.  He knew everything she ever did and yet He loved her and accepted her.

“Jesus loves even me,” Little Wife whispered to herself.  She marveled at that thought while she sat on the front porch watching happy couples walking their dogs and strolling their babies along the sidewalk.  She smiled when she considered that the love of Jesus was enough for her.  She sipped her tea and nibbled on a leftover pancake and greeted everyone who looked her way.

Soon she heard the unmistakable roar of Big Man’s car coming up the street.  Little Wife knew the drill – smile and wave, welcome him home, ask about his game as she prepared his dinner.  But today felt different for Little Wife.  She didn’t do the drill.

He approached the front porch where Little Wife sat as content as a cat.  As she looked at his sunburned face, she saw his eyes were also red, angry and threatening.  He stumbled a bit coming up the stairs and sank heavily in his rocking chair.  Little Wife noticed that Big Man had dark stains on his shirt under his arm when he swiped at the drops of sweat on his forehead and his thinning hair was greasy.  Big Man scowled at Little Wife and when he spoke his words were slurred and hideous with insults and accusations.

“I spose you’ve been relaxing all day, Little Wife.  I spose you were too busy to make a dinner for me.  I’m sure you spent the afternoon talking to your friends on the phone.  You know, Little Wife, I really hate when you sit there smiling and smirking at me like you are so holy and perfect.”

Big Man’s voice got louder and louder.  The curses and accusations got louder and louder.  Neighbors and strangers walking by turned their heads to see what was going on at Big Man’s front porch.  Big Man was oblivious to their stares.  He was deeply focused on giving Little Wife the lecture he thought she deserved for disrespecting him so terribly and not supporting him and never caring much about him, but always ready to help others.

Little Wife sat quietly through his lecture, taking mental notes about his appearance and the content of his message.  She didn’t speak back, didn’t defend herself, simply listened quietly, remembering that the Lord was her shield, her fortress, her refuge and strength.  After about 45 minutes of Big Man’s ranting and raving, Little Wife stood to her feet.  

“Excuse me, Big Man,” she said as she stepped carefully over his outstretched legs.  He reached out to her, but she ignored him and went inside the house. She heard him stomp off the porch and get back into his car.  She stood like a statue inside the door and waited for him to roar away like a drunken fool.

“Kids!  Get your stuff.  Get what’s important to you.  Get the dog.  Grab some clothes and throw them in your backpack.  We’re leaving.  Enough is enough!”  Little Wife was serious and calm as she directed the kids. “He’s left for a little while so this is our time to go.  We might not be back for a long time so take whatever you need.  This is it.  That’s it.  Enough is enough.”

All around her was a quiet, holy peace as she helped the kids pack and then grabbed some clothes for herself.  She quickly called a friend who knew the situation and said, “Hi, it’s me. Yes, I’m okay.  The kids and I are leaving.  Can we come to your house and make a plan?  Really?  Oh you are the best!  God bless you and we’ll be there real soon.”

Little Wife and her kids walked calmly and silently out the front door.  Big Man was just pulling back into the driveway and getting out of his car with another six-pack of beer.  Little Wife was holding the leash of their dog and her kids were walking in single file down the stairs and down the sidewalk towards her car.  She unlocked the car, feeling the stare of Big Man burning a hole into her back.  She popped the trunk and threw the backpacks in.

“Hey!  What’s going on?  Where are you going?  When will you be back?  What are you doing?  What’s going on?”  Big Man’s loud voice faded in the background as Little Wife started up the car.  She turned and smiled happily at each of her children.

“Mom, where are we going?” her youngest daughter asked.  

“Honey, I don’t know, but God knows.  All I know is enough is enough,”  Little Wife checked her side mirrors, put the car in drive, and peeked into the rearview mirror where Big Man was standing in the middle of the street, growing smaller and smaller as they drove away.

*****

Chaplain’s Note:  Friends, we were never meant to live our lives under the yoke of slavery or the oppression of abuse.  Christ died for sinners like us.  His dying on the cross had purpose and meaning.  Our sins were forgiven, and by faith we never have to face the consequences of our own evil behavior.  The price He paid was very steep – His very life blood.  But Jesus Christ died for us because of His great love.  If you are in an abusive relationship, consider making a plan to escape as Little Wife did.  You are free in Christ, and He does not approve of abuse in a marriage.  He will make a way for you.  He IS the Way, the Truth and the Life.  He is our only Hope.  Do you believe it?

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”  Galatians 5:1

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We are so excited!

Our faith-based certification trainings are now available to access on our website!  We’ve gone WEBINAR!!

Our staff has worked long hours to record our two main faith-based trainings that have only been offered in-person until now. Now, you can register for both trainings online and log in to complete each section at your own pace and from the comfort of your office or home!

Register for either

Faith Based Domestic Violence Certificate Online Training Violence

Partners in the Journey: Faith Based Support Group Leaders Certificate Online Training

Here’s the full description for each of our certification trainings!

Domestic Violence Training

6 CEUs for Licensed Counselors, Social Workers, ICDVP, PAIP Online Training.

This training is for church leaders, lay people, and professionals.

One in four women in our churches experience domestic violence and abusive relationships. It is important to learn the various aspects of DV to appropriately minister to those who experience toxic relationships.

FOCUS faith based domestic violence training is a training program designed for those interested in working with domestic violence victims/survivors within the Christian community. Participants can expect to learn the dynamics of domestic abuse and best practices in co-facilitation of groups and/or a role of an advocate.

God delights in restoration of shattered souls. Healing comes by fully understanding the nature and ramifications of abuse. FOCUS believes that following a biblical path of restoration allows God’s grace to touch the heart’s deepest wounds.

More information and registration:

Faith Based Domestic Violence Certificate Online Training Violence

Partners in the Journey Training

9 CEUs for Licensed Counselors, Social Workers, ICDVP, PAIP

This training is for church leaders, lay people, and professionals.

As a lay person or professional, are you interested in starting a faith based support group for women who experience domestic violence and abusive relationships?

FOCUS Ministries offers a certificate program for support group leaders in our Partners in the Journey Training. The training covers all the aspects of starting a support group, the dynamics of support groups, domestic violence training, how to help a victim, and information on how to provide spiritual direction for victims of abuse.

Our training goes beyond the seminars. Our FOCUS support group leaders become part of a Christian community of leaders worldwide and a member of an established organization that has proven itself since 1995.

More information and registration:

Partners in the Journey: Faith Based Support Group Leaders Certificate Online Training

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On Monday, the Lord took away all of Little Wife’s cravings for drinking white wine, pink wine, red wine and everything else she drank for years.  She looked at the bottles of wine and felt nothing for them, no desire, no anticipation, no comfort, not even a passing interest.

She did not tell Big Man.

The next day, the Lord took away her need for chocolate.  Not a single Hershey kiss passed her lips from that day forth.  No more dark chocolate nibbles in the night.  No more rich hot cocoa with mini-mallows.  No more milk chocolate curls on her ice cream.  No more empty bottles of chocolate syrup rinsed out with a giant swig of milk.

She did not tell Big Man.

The next day, the Lord assured her that it would be best for her to not eat meat anymore.  She had been getting terrible abdominal pains for several weeks which seemed to coincide with red meat consumption.  She swore off surf and turf when they went out for dinner.  She wasn’t feeling the Whoppers with cheese anymore, and, of course,  it was best for her to skip the weekly Big Mac meal with Big Man.  Even chicken and fish suddenly lost their appeal.

She surely did not tell Big Man about this.

Little Wife did have a wonderful appetite for salads and fruit and veggies and whole wheat bread and smoothies!  She prepared herself healthy lunches and at dinnertime, she cooked meat meals for Big Man and was very content to fill up on yummy fresh side dishes.

“Little Wife, wouldn’t you like some of these delicious pork ribs?”  Big Man had been slow-cooking them in the oven and on the BBQ all afternoon.  He was very proud of his rib recipe, passed down from generations of his family and perfected in the kitchen of Big Man.  

(He was also very proud of how he used all the pots and pans and baking dishes and cooking utensils to make his famous rib recipe and then threw them all into the kitchen sink with gusto.  And Little Wife never complained about washing all his dirty dishes, but only grew more and more thankful for the time alone in the kitchen afterwards.)

“No, thank you, Big Man, I’m sure they’re very good, but I’m just enjoying my veggies and salad for supper tonight.  These are so tasty and healthy for me.  I’m on The Daniel Diet.”  Little Wife sat up straight and tall.  She spoke confidently about her new food choices, but felt a growing uneasiness as the silence of Big Man filled the room.

The mantle clock ticked and tocked, ticked and tocked.

When he finally spoke, it was a command, not an invitation.  “Why don’t you just try one of these ribs?” 

“No, I’m sorry, no thanks, you go ahead, Big Man,” replied Little Wife more quietly this time.

And it was just too much for Big Man.  He jumped up from his chair with a roar and grabbed Little Wife’s plate of food and flung it like a frisbee far across the kitchen where it smashed against the wall.  Mashed potatoes, little shreds of lettuce and salad dressing clung to the cupboard door in little sad clumps.  Broccoli and cherry tomatoes and carrots scampered away into the pantry.  The crash of the plate breaking into a million little pieces rang in Little Wife’s ear along with the howl of Big Man.

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?  WHY AREN’T YOU EATING MEAT?  WHY AREN’T YOU DRINKING WINE ANYMORE?  WHY AREN’T YOU EATING CHOCOLATE ALL DAY LONG?  WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOU, LITTLE WIFE?”

And Big Man gave her a shove that sent her and her chair flying across the room into the remains of her meal, and she lay there in the messy puddle of healthy food with salty little tears running down her little face.  Little Wife did not look up at Big Man towering over her.  She knew this might really be the end of her now and she watched his big foot draw back to give her a giant kick in the stomach.  She began to retch and choke and gag on food stuck in her throat.  Her crying stopped and her breathing stopped and all was quiet and time stood still for those moments before Big Man kicked her so hard that her head smashed into the sharp edge of the wall.  Then everything went black and suppertime was over for Little Wife.

**********

Chaplain’s Note:  Needless to say, domestic abuse takes many forms.  All abuse is wrong.  It is sinful.  Coercive control of a wife is subtle and yet can cause severe emotional damage.  Verbal attacks and threats of violence are meant to frighten us.  And sometimes those threats turn very real and a woman is severely injured by her abusive husband.  But God is with us through all of these terrible acts of abuse.  Trust in His faithfulness.  Don’t be afraid of those who can kill the body but can’t touch your soul.  Please reach out for help if any of these stories are about you.

Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me;

All day long an attacker oppresses me;

My enemies trample on me all day long,

For many attack me proudly.  

When I am afraid,

I put my trust in you

In God, whose word I praise,

In God I trust; I shall not be afraid.

What can flesh do to me?

Psalm 56:1-4

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