Once upon a time, when Little Wife was married to her former husband Freddie, they decided that they should go to church with their many beautiful children. It’s just not easy raising a family these days, and Freddie agreed that they should find a nice church so that the kids would grow up knowing that God loves them and that church people would also love them.
They shopped around for a few months for the perfect church home for their growing family. They went to large “seeker-friendly” churches, and smaller denominational churches; they visited local neighborhood churches where they knew some people and out-of-town churches with no familiar faces.
Finally, they settled on a smallish church just a few blocks from home where Little Wife knew a few ladies and Freddie could make some new friends, and the children would be loved and nourished in the Christian faith. And every Sunday morning, Little Wife would awaken the children and dress them and feed them, and out the door they would go to worship the Lord and attend Sunday school and prayer groups and Bible study groups.
Little Wife happily became very involved in churchy activities. Though she sensed the church “family” was cliquey and a little inbred amongst themselves, she still welcomed and even pursued every opportunity to fit in and help out. Little Wife always wanted to be a part of something bigger than herself, and here was a great way to serve the Lord and advance His kingdom.
Here is a bit of Little Wife’s resume while she attended Independent Bible Church in the Deep Valley:
Sunday School Teacher
Active Member of the Missions Committee
Potluck Participant for all church events
Clean-up Person for all church events
Snacks and Treats Lady for the mid-week children’s ministry
Quiet but Loyal Student of Ladies Bible Study
Meals on Wheels Volunteer
Weekly Prayer Partner
Nursery Caregiver and Toy Washer
Organizer to help the family whose mom had cancer and would be hospitalized for several weeks while awaiting a bone marrow transplant
And along with Freddie, she attended a small group every Sunday evening in a nice friendly setting with other families. So as you can see, Little Wife really put her whole heart and soul into her new church. Everybody knew Little Wife.
As so often happens, while Little Wife was busy with her children and her church activities, Freddie was drifting slowly but surely away from her. They argued more and more. She cried a lot. Though they tried and tried to work out their troubles, there was a certain shadow hanging over their relationship. They asked for prayer from their friends at the church. They tried to go to counseling to get some professional help.
Little Wife could sense herself growing smaller with each passing day.
It was certain that her children loved and needed her, but what about Freddie? Didn’t he see how sad and alone she felt? Was he truly so blind? She remembered the words to the song they sang at church, “I was blind, but now I see.” Why couldn’t Freddie see?
Well, sure enough then, along comes Trouble with a capital T.
And Little Wife was partly to blame and so was Freddie and so was Big Man, because he wouldn’t go away no matter what she said and did. He always found a way to jump over the fence. And pretty soon, Little Wife fell for Big Man.
Freddie and Little Wife knew they REALLY needed some help now, so she made an appointment to see Pastor Edward Ego at their church. He met her in his private office accompanied by his own little wife. Little Wife explained the situation about Big Man and also her troubles with Freddie, his neglect, his bursts of anger, his criticism.
Little Wife was so ashamed of the problems with Big Man and so intimidated by Pastor Ego and his stern wife. They were demanding that she disclose Big Man’s phone number so they could call him and get him involved in their counseling plan.
That was just too much for Little Wife, and she burst into tears and then hyperventilation!
“I have to go,” she cried. “I think I’m having a nervous breakdown.”
Little Wife rose from her chair and began to walk towards the closed office door. But then she felt the steely hands of Pastor Edward Ego on her shoulders, and he spun her around violently.
“Look at me, Little Wife!” he shouted.
Little Wife nearly fainted away.
“Edward! Let her go!” begged the pastor’s wife. And Little Wife broke free from the pastor’s grip and ran blindly to her car, tears streaming down her cheeks and shaking from the terrible, fearful encounter with the pastor. She cried and cried all the way home.
The next week Little Wife was called into the pastor’s office again but this time she brought Freedie with her for support. Again they described their problems, but Pastor Ego only heard the part about Little Wife talking to Big Man on the phone. He walked over to his church office closet where he kept all of his pastoring equipment and tools: Bibles of all various translations, shepherds’ staffs and rods, anointing oils and potions, and a very special tool which he used for their situation.
Pastor Ego walked across the room to Little Wife and handed her a large cardboard sign. There was a scarlet letter painted on the sign which was decorated with a satiny soft scarlet ribbon. As you may have already guessed, the letter was “A”, and Little Wife shriveled at the sight of it. She knew what this meant.
Pastor Ego hung the sign around her neck and said to Freddie, “This should help. God bless you both, and I’ll be praying for you.” They walked out of the pastor’s office and into the crowd of worshipers gathering outside his office door. The churchy people gasped in unity at the sight of Little Wife and her scarlet letter.
Little Wife wore her sign patiently for a few days.
Then one morning, Pastor Ego came to her home with one of the churchy elders to ask if the sign was helping.
“Have you repented, Little Wife?” they asked her repeatedly.
“Yes. Yes, I have,” she replied repeatedly. “I have shed many, many tears of repentance.” Little Wife showed the pastor and the elder where her tears of repentance had fallen and crinkled the words and pages of her beloved Bible.
Then they asked her, “And have you forsaken all contact with Big Man?”
“Well,” she answered, “I have tried and tried to refuse his conversation, but he always finds me and wants to visit with me. And because I am quite small, as you can see, I have a great deal of trouble escaping from him. And what about the problems that Freddie has with ….”
But Pastor Ego cut her off mid-sentence. “I see,” he said, scratching his head thoughtfully. “I see it is time to move to the next level of church discipline. Please meet us at the church tomorrow evening at 6:00 with your husband and your children, and please bring your best potato salad to share.”
The Pastor and the elder nodded to Little Wife and drove away down the street.
Now Little Wife was no dummy, and she was very suspicious of this invitation. As she peeled the potatoes for the salad the next day, she mentioned to Freddie that she was very concerned about this event. Would he please stay home with the children and allow her to attend the church function alone. Freddie agreed it would be best for him to not get involved, and he stayed home with the kids per her request.
As Little Wife drove into the parking lot of Independent Bible Church in the Deep Valley, she saw the banner over the door. She saw the tall wooden stake stuck in the ground surrounded by all the firewood left over from the youth group bonfire. There was a long length of rope and a gasoline can sitting on the grass nearby. She saw all the ladies carrying their potluck dishes, smiling and chatting as they walked under the banner and into the church.
Slowly, Little Wife got out of the car, mesmerized by the words on the banner, “Church Discipline Night.” As she walked slowly towards the church door, Pastor Ego and many elders came up alongside her. One elder took the bowl of potato salad out of her little arms.
“Thanks for coming, Little Wife,” said Pastor Ego. He put his heavy arm around her little shoulders and guided her towards the woodpile and the stake in the ground. “The church elders and I have discussed this at great length and have decided that this would be the best thing for your marriage to Freddie. Really it’s the only solution to your marital problems.”
Little Wife looked into the strangely caring and sincere eyes of Pastor Ego. She looked at the faces of the churchy people, the faces of the people she had known for such a long time. The people she had served the Lord with in so many ways. They moved closer to her with the rope. The women were holding lit candles and their mouths seemed to be moving silently, probably in prayer.
And then she listened in her heart, and she heard what they could never hear, the sound of hoofbeats, the sound of a large horse galloping nearer and nearer. And then she saw the horse and the rider charge up to the crowd, knocking down churchy people and sending them flying in all directions with their potluck hotdishes and lit candles.
Little Wife sighed, “Oh Big Man,” and fainted into his arms as they rode off into the sunset.
*******
Chaplain’s Note: There are many ways to offer wise counsel to couples who are struggling, but often churches will jump to conclusions and blame the victim. The enemy is not our husband, our wife, our pastor or the interloper, or the faithful congregant. The enemy is Satan who is bound and determined to destroy as many marriages as he can. Yes, we are all sinners saved only by the grace of God, and yet let us humble ourselves and examine our own hearts before we condemn a sister or brother in Christ. Church discipline is good when it is applied with a loving heart, with the grace and mercy of our loving God.
“…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…” Romans 3:23
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1
