He Chooses to Abuse- Part 2 of 2
If you missed part 1, here’s the link… https://www.focusministries1.org/blog/he-chooses-to-abuse-part-1-of-2
In EAW—entitlement-abuser-world, the entitled-ee (Yvonne’s dictionary) is self-privileged and a cousin to narcissism. The entitled-ee’s desires are more important than anyone else almost 100% of the time. They believe they deserve admiration, respect, and have a right to dominance. In the EAW, they perceive themselves very differently from the normal person. They think, “I am in charge because I am the man”, or “I make the money, so I get to decide how it’s spent”. The entitled-ee has no idea how to compromise with others, places impractical demands on their partners, and have never heard of the words mutually beneficial. They don’t always and necessarily have a general entitlement mentality towards the world, but they do have one towards their intimate partners.
In your current relationship, do you feel as if you exist only to fulfill the needs and agendas of the other person? Does he/she demand absolute compliance without complaint? Does he/she state opinions as irrefutable truisms or as law? Does your entire life revolve around them? That’s what I would call unequally yoked. What does it mean to be unequally yoked? I like this simple explanation from https://www.gotquestions.org/unequally-yoked.html A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two oxen to each other and to the burden they pull. An “unequally yoked” team has one stronger ox and one weaker, or one taller and one shorter. The weaker or shorter ox would walk more slowly than the taller, stronger one, causing the load to go around in circles. The Bible states it this way… 2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14 NAS: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Sadly, in the EAW—entitlement-abuser-world—they will most likely never feel mortified, deeply repentant, or become transformed. But…but, this would mean that they know exactly what they are doing…right. Bingo! Now you get it. Entitlement in relationships is replaced with mutual value.
Real-life examples of EAW behavior
- April Sams was thrown over a six-story parking structure by a male co-worker whose unwanted advances she had refused.
- Maren Sanchez was stabbed in her high school hallway for saying “no” to a classmate’s prom invitation.
- In the Solomon Islands, 35% of males believe that ‘it is acceptable for a man to hit and hurt his wife if she doesn’t do the housework to his liking’.
- In Colombia, a young woman stated, “I believe that everything arises from the fact that men see us as sexual objects and as the persons they need to fulfill their sexual needs.”
Does the abuser even know what he/she is doing?
Yes. Is this entitled-ee choosing to abuse you? Yes. Russell B. Lemle Ph.D. a contributor to Psychology Today in his article From Me-First to We-First gives us examples of entitlement in intimate partner relationships.
- “Because I do more.” This entitlement is illustrated in the following dual-career marriage when they run out of milk. The husband states, “Since I work longer hours than you do, you should go to the market to get it.”
- “Because of my gender.” Society encourages men and women to do things in certain ways, and our masculinity/ femininity can get rattled if not enacted. As such, we cite long-established sex-roles as entitlements for what we want. “I’m the man of the house so I should have the last word,” or “As a woman, I make better decisions about decor and social interactions.”
- “My parents had elaborate holiday dinners, so we have to continue the tradition.”
Sadly, in the EAW, no matter how much you give him or do for him, it will never be enough for him. https://thepowermoves.com/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship/
My plea to you…
Please, do not rush into one more intimate relationship. If you do, at the 1st sign that ‘something’ is not right…listen, take heed, then stop. Take time away to regenerate your soul.