Little Wife’s Revenge

Little Wife truly didn’t intend to cause so much embarrassment and discomfort to Big Man.  She had a good heart and was only trying to be as helpful and loving as possible.  But sometimes things happen….

It was a sunny morning and Little Wife was preparing the breakfast for Big Man.  He enjoyed his handheld breakfasts and his fresh juice very much.  He cared so passionately about his breakfasts that he actually taught Little Wife how to make them perfectly to his liking.  And she paid very close attention to his teaching, not wanting to disappoint him or upset him in anyway.  After all, he was Big Man with many important things to do during his day, and it was best that he have his breakfast perfectly made according to his liking.

Little Wife carefully fried his bacon, keeping the temperature of the fry pan very close to medium, even medium low, so that the bacon would not burn.  She knew that Big Man was allergic to burnt bacon and would break out in a terrible rash of yelling if it was overdone.  She turned the bacon frequently and then gently laid it on paper towels to drain properly.  

While the bacon was resting, she washed and dried the fry pan thoroughly before melting the Irish butter and cracking the natural casing eggs into the hot pan, again turning them gently.  Big Man was so very fond of  his “eggs over easy” and seemed to also be allergic to broken yolks.  She warmed his brioche bun and skillfully layered the bacon, a slab of colby cheese and the lovely fried eggs on the bun, very gently balancing the top of the bun so that the yolks would remain intact….so very important to her Big Man.

She cheerfully delivered it to him as he began working in his home office.  He didn’t look up or thank her, but Little Wife knew he really appreciated her efforts.  Then she dashed back into the kitchen to prepare the fresh juice from his prescribed ingredients:  three green apples, fresh ginger, a banana, baby spinach leaves, two oranges and a handful of fresh red grapes.  As she tossed the fruit into the juicer, she thought of how much she loved Big Man and how this healthy breakfast would make him happy and strong.  She reached into the refrigerator for the red grapes in the drawer and suddenly remembered that she had eaten them all with her dinner the night before.

Little Wife felt the panic rising up from her stomach.  No grapes for Big Man’s juice.  He would notice immediately and ask why she hadn’t used all the necessary ingredients for his fresh juice.  She fought back tears.  How could she have forgotten such a simple request of grapes in the juice.

And then Little Wife remembered!  She DID have grape juice!  She had tried to make grape jelly from scratch last week, using the grapes from Big Man’s family grape vine and a very LARGE box of Sure-Jell.  Sadly, for some reason, the juice she made from the grapes and the Sure-Jell had NOT jelled as she had hoped, but had remained in a semi-juice condition, but that would be just fine to add to Big Man’s fresh juice!  “All is not lost!” Little Wife whispered to herself as she dumped about a pint of Sure-Jelled grape juice into the pitcher for Big Man.  

She poured him a large glass of the yummy juice and hurried to his office with the offering in her hand.  Big Man motioned for her to set it down on his desk, along with the full pitcher.  Then he motioned for her to leave his office because he was working very diligently and wanted to complete his email before it was time for their weekly silent trip to the grocery store.  She looked over her little shoulder as she was walking out and smiled when she saw that he was gulping the fresh juice with a very manly vigor.

Thirty minutes later Little Wife and Big Man arrived at the grocery store, and began the weekly silent trip of grocery shopping.  She put several important items in their cart, noticing that Big Man was even more silent than usual.  She looked at his face, and saw that his dark eyes were suddenly wide open in alarm.  He sucked in a very large breath, and threw his burly hairy arms around his mid-section as if in very serious discomfort and urgency.

“Big Man, what’s the trouble?  Are you okay?  You don’t look so good.  Is there anything I can do to help you?” Little Wife was rather small, but she could certainly see that something was terribly, suddenly and urgently wrong with Big Man.  He had the most panicked look on his face which was turning beet red all the way up to his large ears.  And then Little Wife smelled something so very terrible, so vulgar that she herself couldn’t even catch her breath.

Big Man turned away, and awkwardly sprinted down the grocery aisle, holding his stomach and the back of his pants.  He was headed in the general direction of the restroom.  Little Wife couldn’t help but notice that his saggy slacks were strangely stained as he faded away from her view on his journey to find the men’s room.

“Well my goodness,” thought Little Wife as she continued her grocery shopping.  And she smiled as she placed three more large boxes of Sure-Jell in her shopping cart.

(Chaplain’s Note:  Women who are abused often have thoughts of revenge.  As followers of Christ, we need to be careful not to act on those thoughts.  We are each responsible for our own behaviors in response to the abuse we have received.  The Apostle Paul reminds us in Romans 12:19….Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”  May God bless and keep you today, gentle reader.)