5 Steps to Quiet Courage, A Way Out – Series 2 of 3

At the end of the last blog we asked two questions. Did you get the chance to answer them?

If so, please share your answers by posting a comment. Need a refresher of series 1?


Here the questions are: 

1) In hindsight, what would you have done different, prior to entering the relationship you are currently in?

2) What would you tell your bestest friend if they were entering into a relationship and you clearly saw the evil     nature of the person, they’re with?

Recap—Step 1 from the last post

“I always wondered how to emotionally detach from someone I loved.  I’m not going to tell you it’s easy, because it’s not; however, it is vital.  You might get stuck at this stage of survival, but do not berate yourself. You are going through and living in a traumatic situation. The operative words “going through” denotes that you are not “stuck in” this situation. Trauma can paralyze you without you even being aware you are experiencing trauma. That’s what happened to me.”

My soul had become so overwhelmed and discouraged by what I was experiencing that I became numb. There literally was no color to life; everything was gray. I feel like it slowly slithered up to me; kind of like the serpent did to Eve in the Garden. Sad to say, but I became accustomed to the emotional roller-coaster I was on in my abusive marriage. Each day morphed into the next, and before long, my existence became status quo. One day, at counseling, my therapist mentioned a word that I would have never equated with my life. This word, I naively thought, was only meant to describe those who lived in concentration camps or animals that were left in cages with no food or water, or perhaps soldiers who’d killed another human being at wartime. When my therapist stated that I had been experiencing trauma I looked at him strangely. Referring to part 1 of this series, wounds are trauma on steroids. Like them, I was deeply wounded.

Being able to emotionally detach from someone you’ve shared your deepest self with, almost seems like an abomination…a betrayal. Read my lips 😉 you—are—in—survival—mode. Your relationship is toxic, like the stench of a skunk or horse manure.  Just like a Momma bear protects her cubs, you must protect you. Ask the Lord to help you.

  How to emotionally detach while in your abusive relationship:

Make changes that are going to make you smile inside-out for real. Courtesy of Kate of www.luvze.com. What are some of the things you used to love to do? Write? Color? Walk? Dream? Listen to music?

Whenever you can, get quiet and listen while your spirit intertwines with God’s spirit. He talks to us daily.      Read the Bible. Read inspirational stories. Recite in your mind or on paper those things you are grateful for.

Get brutally honest with yourself. Not to be confused with berating or belittling yourself. Take off your rose-colored glasses and look at your situation the way it truly is, not how you wish it could be or how it was in the  beginning. Can you recall any of the red flags that manifested themselves before you became a duo? Hindsight is 20/20. Promise yourself that you will learn from it.

Grieve Even though you are still physically in the relationship, you can remove yourself emotionally. The end of a relationship is hard. No matter what happened in the relationship, it’s hard. Your hopes and dreams of being loved and experiencing genuine love are dashed. When we attach ourselves or join to another, that person becomes a part of us. Show grace to yourself and begin the grieving process. Allow yourself to take this journey and realize that it’s not a rush job that can be done overnight. Christians grieve differently than those who have no hope. The stages of grief—Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance—will come and go. Sometimes several times a day.

Grief from Shattered Dreams

“Grief is more than facing the reality of what is. It is the process of letting go “what should and could have been”, then releasing the hurt and pain and turning our focus to the Lord who brings comfort and hope.”

       Paula Silva


Stay tuned for part 3.

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