I Was Once a Pastor’s Wife – Part 1 of 3

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We met in the business office of the apartment complex where I lived. He was the I.T. professional, and I was the patient person waiting for him to fix whatever was ailing the printer. Get it? I was waiting for him to fix the problem. I didn’t understand the significance of that statement, until many years later. My last relationship ended two years ago, but I was still bitter and reeling from deep hurt. I was in the ‘don’t even look my way’ mode. This was definitely not the time to even think about entering a new romantic relationship. Once he fixed the printer, he smiled at me, as if in admiration. I ignored him. I just wanted him to fix the printer and to get out of my sight. I never wanted to have anything else to do with men, ever. Later, he told me that he kept finding a reason to come back to that site—this was one of many sites he serviced—so he could ‘run into’ me again. At that time, I was a tiny bit flattered, but I wasn’t up on the game.

After a few weeks, I did ‘run into’ him again at the business office. I didn’t have an ulterior motive for being there, but he did. He asked me to lunch. I told him no. He was persistent, and I gave in after a few weeks of cajoling. The day of our lunch I was super-excited. Not because I was having lunch with him, but because it was the same day that I had received a shipment of my new books I was going to sell at an upcoming book signing. I was putting them in the trunk of my car when he arrived. He asked what kind of books they were, and I told him that all of my books were Christian books. That was his in. After viewing them, he reached into his pocket, pulled out a wad of bills and purchased ten of them—for his ministry. As he was loading the books into his trunk, he explained that he was a pastor. His ever-present smile grew larger.

At lunch, he went on to tell me that because of the nature of his job—him always being on the go to various clients—that he had an established virtual ministry that met Wednesday evenings for Bible study and they also had corporate prayer every Monday evening. He had many pastor friends and acquaintances that he did ministry with regularly. He invited me to his virtual Bible study, and after a few weeks, I finally dialed in.

Wow, I thought, not only was he an I.T. professional with his own business, he was a Pastor!! In my naïve mind, him being a pastor meant that we could reason together, as the Bible tells us to, and because we were equally yoked (both Christians), we’d be able to work out our problems, simply using biblical knowledge. We’d thrive together and help others learn about the Lord. We would submit to each other, forgive each other, and—of course after repentance—restore each other, without giving it a second thought. This man would have my best interest at heart. Blah, blah, blah.  I’d finally met a ‘real’ man. One who knew the Lord. Not one who just said he did, using lip service. Surely this man had an ongoing and fruitful relationship with Abba! He had the hook up…a direct line to the Lord! That thoroughly…and I do mean thoroughly, excited me. I began to relax the perpetual frown on my face and have a glimmer of hope again that I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life as a lowly single woman. I was enthralled by the way he appeared to soak in every word I said while we were lunching and kept staring intently at me as if we were the only two on the planet. We began to spend more time together, exchanged phone numbers, he met my dad, and he took me to meet his family. Everything took off from there, as they say, in a whirlwind. When he offered to put me on his phone plan, I declined…at first. When, five months later, he offered me the key to his apartment, I was shocked. I put the brakes on because, why…because frankly because it scared me. I told him that I needed to step back from ‘us’ for a while because I didn’t know what to do with all of this. He was not happy about it, but he accepted my decision.

Stay tuned for Parts 2 and 3

What relationship red flags did you notice?

Why do you think the young lady felt things were moving too fast?

Did she do the right thing by halting the relationship?