Overwhelmed By Fear
I am struggling. I go to counseling, read books, take bible studies, seek guidance, etc . I’ve been told many times by Christian counselors that it will take a miracle from God for my batterer to ever be any different.
I’ve been told that he has narcissistic personality disorder and is an anger addict. I separated from him twice. I even divorced him last summer. The cops had to remove him from our home this past fall. My situation is textbook. He’s back living in the home with me and the kids. He is of gifted intelligence, extremely manipulative and is a very successful charmer and con artist.
I’m a total wreck. I live in fear—not so much physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually. He is like a heavy, dark spirit that keeps me bound. I’m weakened to the point that many times when he’s raging I wish he would just “get it over with” and be done with me. I can’t move. I just want to hide under the covers all day long. I can breathe only when he’s not around.
I am totally trapped and see no light at the end of the tunnel. Each day my hope is that Jesus will come back this day. . .
I hear and see your struggles, but I have good news. You don’t have to remain paralyzed. There are some options, but you have to be willing to do them and know that you do not deserve to live like this. Christ healed the crippled man in the Bible, but the man had to get up and walk as Jesus commanded. Jesus did not force the man to get up. The man had to act on Jesus’ words. You can get up and walk. Don’t believe the lies that you can’t. God will give you the strength, but you need to take action.
There are some options that you can consider for stepping out of this entrapment , but you need someone to walk this journey with you. You cannot do this alone. Look at one step at a time.
1. Contact the police or the lawyer to get your ex-husband out of the house. Then you should
change the locks.
2. If you have to, get an Order of Protection.
3. You can move. If you own your home, call a realtor to find out what it is worth and start planning
on selling and looking for another place.
4. If he has visitation rights, meet him at a neutral place like Mc Donalds to exchange the children. He
does not need to come to your home. See if someone would be willing to accompany you.
5. Make a list of what experiences you have had with him. Once he is out of the house and you feel
like you are going to cave into him again, pull out the list and remind yourself of the reality of living
with him and call a friend that will tell you not to do it.
6. Begin to think of what you can add to this list. You know your situation better than anyone.
You are a daughter of the King—His Princess. I will pray that God will reveal that more and more to you. You deserve to live in joy with Him now not waiting for Jesus to come back. God loves you and grieves over your situation. You are not alone, and you don’t have to remain trapped.