I am with a man who gets high on cocaine, physically abusive, and has been unfaithful at times. I love this man when he is himself. We start our morning by saving the LORD’S PRAYER at our bed side, we attend church every Sunday. We say our prayers before we eat, thank GOD for everything imaginable, and I know NOTHING is too big for GOD. But is this too big for me? I will not put up with the abuse yet I have had other relationships with men like him. Being a single parent all these years, my children and I have come a long way. I’m a very strong woman.
Do you think GOD has really sent this man to me to help break that addiction? They say everything happens for a reason. How am I ever going to be able to trust him? I worry everyday if he is going to come home from work. And there’s so many sexually transmitted diseases out there, do I believe him when he said he didn’t sleep with the cocaine dancer? I am so confused and so hurt. I am depressed. I don’t enjoy doing the things I use to. If this is GOD’S will I don’t want to dispute it. I talk to GOD everyday for the answer.
I do not believe that God sent this man to you. Someone can do all the religious things but not have a relationship with God. The Pharisees in the Bible certainly knew scripture but their heart was not changed. They were self-righteous, self-centered, and hypocrites. I feel you are dealing with a deceiver. I sense that part of you feels a need to rescue this man and change him. This is not your responsibility. He needs to see that changes are necessary and make them. There is no reason to trust this man because he has not proven that he is trustworthy.
I thought that it was interesting when you stated that you have given your life to your children and to men. Where is God in all of that? I would suggest that you start with looking at your relationship to God. What does it look like and what do you expect from God? God created us to be filled by His love and grace first and then to be in healthy relationships with others. Often we expect others to fill the emptiness we feel inside of us. They can never fill us enough. God is the only one we can fully trust to love us and accept us right where we are.