Did God Send This Man To Me?

I am with a man who gets high on cocaine, physically abusive, and has been unfaithful at times. I love this man when he is himself. We start our morning by saving the LORD’S PRAYER at our bed side, we attend church every Sunday. We say our prayers before we eat, thank GOD for everything imaginable, and I know NOTHING is too big for GOD. But is this too big for me? I will not put up with the abuse yet I have had other relationships with men like him. Being a single parent all these years, my children and I have come a long way. I’m a very strong woman.

Do you think GOD has really sent this man to me to help break that addiction? They say everything happens for a reason. How am I ever going to be able to trust him? I worry everyday if he is going to come home from work. And there’s so many sexually transmitted diseases out there, do I believe him when he said he didn’t sleep with the cocaine dancer? I am so confused and so hurt. I am depressed. I don’t enjoy doing the things I use to. If this is GOD’S will I don’t want to dispute it. I talk to GOD everyday for the answer.


Dear Confused:

I do not believe that God sent this man to you. Someone can do all the religious things but not have a relationship with God. The Pharisees in the Bible certainly knew scripture but their heart was not changed. They were self-righteous, self-centered, and hypocrites. I feel you are dealing with a deceiver. I sense that part of you feels a need to rescue this man and change him. This is not your responsibility. He needs to see that changes are necessary and make them. There is no reason to trust this man because he has not proven that he is trustworthy.

I thought that it was interesting when you stated that you have given your life to your children and to men. Where is God in all of that? I would suggest that you start with looking at your relationship to God. What does it look like and what do you expect from God? God created us to be filled by His love and grace first and then to be in healthy relationships with others. Often we expect others to fill the emptiness we feel inside of us. They can never fill us enough. God is the only one we can fully trust to love us and accept us right where we are.

FOCUS Ministries

3 Comments on “Did God Send This Man To Me?

  1. I understand how confusing this can be.

    Being married to a Pastor for 30 yrs who acted differently in public than in private was confusing for me, but adding to the confusion was the fact that he could be wonderful at home (when he wasn’t being violent & deceptive). Strange thing was, he could change at the drop of a hat – for the benefit of who happened to walk in the room he could turn into “Mr Wonderful”.

    It’s very important to me that I always do what’s right & I think I’ve erred on the side of mercy & grace. When the high cost of that mercy & grace was the safety of myself & my children, I realized I was trading our physical, mental, emotional, psychological & spiritual safety for the sake of a husband who cared most about his Public Image. My husband took advantage of that mercy – a Godly counselor told me I should be careful not to “throw my pearls to swine”. As hard as that was to hear, I realized that my husband had been thrown the Life Line enough times but had chosen to hold fast to his abusive ways – he just wasn’t willing to give it up. The more time & life we invested the more complicated the story became.

    The person he was when he was acting nice & Godly was not “the real him”(as you mentioned, “when he is himself”), it was actually “The Person He Was Pretending To Be” … a very sad realization.

  2. wow………….I was engaged to a man and slowed him down because I wanted to make sure he was who he said he was…His wife died of ovarian two years earlier…I remember her at church…kind of quiet …austere…always conservatively dressed…covered up….They have four daughters. In dating their father I saw the same austerity in them. I overheard the youngest and him fighting and she yelled at him..” You will never change..I will keep my wall sup around you”
    Daniel started to show more signs of jealousy, questioning my clothes, explosive anger over simple things, showed strange anger if I spoke to a man in the grocery store…

    This man, Daniel, is a local business man..He owns a hot tub store(three) and he with held financial info that he was completely maxed out in loans, debt….He was projecting a successful, kind, ‘Godly business widow………….However, In Private…I began to see frequent anger and rage….I gave the ring back…

    He is Narcissistic Borderline….and I do not believe he thinks he has a problem and I believe his wife suffered and his four daughters …The wife has a family member that warned me…they told me he had a communication problem and if it weren’t for their mom they didn’t know where the four girls would be today!

    God NEVER wants us to be abused!!! EVER

  3. Your question and comment just made me realize that I have to stay close to God. I always wish I could find a good man. My father was an abusive alcoholic. I have repetitively attracted men who like to put me down mentally and when I don’t stand for it they ridicule me more and call me names like bi-polar angry and so forth when they incited that anger in the first place. I’d rather be alone if I can’t have a healthy loving man. My dog is sweet and loyal. Get rid of negativity. You can successfully be on your own. It is only a person who lacks self love that settles for degradation and abuse. Out he should go. No matter what! God is guiding you right now.

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