Ann carried a secret within her heart as she slowly seated herself in the pew. She cautiously looked around wondering if anyone noticed the bruise on her forearm. She tried to concentrate on words coming from the pulpit, but her mind wandered to the incidences of the past week. She was confused by the control she felt.
An instant replay revealed the repeated pattern of her husband’s behavior. The demeaning, threatening words pierced like bullets into her heart. She felt like a child at the mercy of an adult accounting for her time and money spent. Walking on eggshells had become part of daily living. Fear and anger reigned in her home. How could a man who claims to know Christ treat her this way? Why does he act one way in public and another at home?
In our churches, women just like Ann sit silently suffering wearing plastic smiles to cover the secret hidden inside. Fear, shame, and hopelessness grip their being. This secret permeates their lives spreading like cancer slowly destroying those within their home. The secret is domestic violence.
The Christian community needs to be a safe place for women to reveal the secret. It takes a great deal of courage for a victim to come forward for she faces the possibility of not being believed. We must be “Jesus in skin” to those that are being oppressed held in bondage and captivity. “Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to death; don’t stand back and let them die. Don’t try to avoid responsibility by saying you didn’t know about it. For God knows all, hears, and he sees you. He keeps watch over your soul, and he knows you knew! And he will judge all people according to what they have done.” Proverbs 24:11-12, NLT
As their anchor in the storm, it is critical to know how to respond.
- Listen and affirm the victim as she tells her story
- Assess her level of safety by noting the frequency and the intensity of explosive episodes
- Develop options and a safety plan for the victim
- Don’t push for reconciliation or couple’s counseling for this places the victim and children in danger
- Educate oneself about domestic violence
- Advise counseling for the victim with a Christian counselor who understands the dynamics of domestic violence
- Maintain a referral list for domestic violence services
- Confront the abuser with truth and grace
For the victim of domestic violence, there are two choices. The first is to silently suffer alone. The second choice is to take steps to find hope and healing in Jesus Christ and others. Are we willing to walk this difficult journey with her?
