Once Upon A Time
All the clothes in Natasha’s closet seemed too big these days. Her pretty blouses and skirts and sweaters used to fit nicely, but now they hung loosely on her shoulders and drooped down over her skinny hips. Yes, no doubt about it, she was feeling smallish these days. Nonetheless, it was time to get ready for church. Her husband, Boris, was already in the car waiting for her, honking the horn impatiently.
She threw on the easiest outfit and scrambled down the stairs and out to the car. “I’m sorry, Boris,” she explained. “I just couldn’t quite find the right clothes to wear today. I hope we aren’t going to be late for church. Please forgive me.”
Boris scowled at Natasha. “You’re so vain. Nobody cares what you wear or how you look. The main problem now is that we are going to be late to church, and this is my day to be the Greeter. It’s always about you, Natasha. And don’t even start with your tears – I don’t care.”
They arrived at Deep Valley Church in plenty of time. Boris gripped her hand tightly as they walked in. He smiled brightly at the worshipers greeting them at the door.
“Good morning! Good morning! Yes, isn’t it a fine spring morning! Praise the Lord for Sundays in the house of God.” Boris was very enthusiastic, and very charming in his greetings! Natasha kept her plastic smile on her face as she followed Boris into the auditorium where they took their usual seats. Nobody greeted her. No one saw her bruises or the shredded self-worth or the invisible wounds of emotional abuse.
The praise band started to play the first song and the congregation rose to their feet and sang with all their hearts. Her mouth moved, but no words came out. She felt invisible.
Boris kept his arm around Natasha throughout the service, squeezing her arm. Nobody in the church ever noticed that she was getting smaller and smaller, week after week. In her little heart, she prayed silently, “Lord, please deliver me from the hands and plans of evil men.”
Afterwards when they got back home, Natasha began to mix up blueberry pancakes and bacon for their Sunday brunch. She chatted with her children and hummed a little song from church, “…amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me…”
Truly she felt like a wretch today.
Boris was gathering his usual Sunday golf supplies: ten beers in the cooler and six donuts in his golf bag. He glared at her in the kitchen.
“You’re always thinking so much about God and about the kids. You never support me, Natasha. Why don’t you come along and ride in the golf cart with me and support me for a change? You don’t even know what a good golfer I am! You should submit to me and come along with me, because that’s what the Bible says you should do. Honor your husband and love him and spend time with him. You should be spending your Sundays with me, instead of always cooking for the kids and other people.”
Natasha didn’t look up from her pancake griddle. “Have a nice day at the golf course, Boris. We will see you later on this afternoon.”
Natasha smiled as Boris drove away. She would have a break from him today; even in the midst of his bad attitude and verbal abuse, she felt some peace. He would be back after several hours, the berating and manipulation would continue, but for a few hours anyway she was free from his abuse.
Her Bible was on the table, open to the Gospel of John, chapter four so she read the story of Jesus talking to the woman at the well. She was thankful for the truth and love of Jesus. He was kind and gracious and attentive to the woman who had given up on love. He knew everything she ever did and yet He loved her and accepted her.
“Jesus loves even me,” Natasha whispered to herself. She was still marveling at that thought later on as she was sitting on the front porch. Then she heard the unmistakable roar of Boris’s car coming up the street. Natasha knew the drill – smile and wave, welcome him home, ask about his game as she prepared his dinner. But today felt different – she didn’t do the drill.
Boris approached the front porch where Natasha sat as quietly as a mouse. As she looked up at his sunburned face, she saw his eyes were red, angry and threatening. He stumbled a bit coming up the stairs and sank heavily into his rocking chair. Boris sneered at her and his words were slurred and hideous with insults and accusations.
“I suppose you’ve been relaxing all day, Natasha. I suppose you were too busy to make a decent dinner for me. I’m sure you spent the afternoon talking to your friends on the phone while I was out in the hot sun. You know what, Natasha, I really hate when you sit there smiling and smirking at me like you are so holy and perfect just because you quit drinking this week.”
His voice got louder and louder. The curses got louder and louder. Neighbors and strangers walking by turned their heads to see what was going on at Boris’ front porch. Boris was oblivious to their stares. Natasha wanted to shrivel up and blow away like a dandelion puff.
Boris was seriously focused on giving Natasha the lecture he thought she deserved. “Natasha, you are so disrespectful to me, you do not support me and you never care for my feelings. Why can’t you be like the other wives at church who obey their husbands and serve them? The other wives all look so pretty and there you are with your baggy clothes. Why isn’t dinner ready? Do we have any more beers? I need a drink. ”
Natasha didn’t answer his questions. Listening to Boris and all his mean words made her feel smaller and smaller, so despicable, so unimportant, not valuable at all. She felt like she would rather die rather than live like this for one more day…but she glanced down at the Bible in her lap and saw these beautiful, hopeful words: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine.”
Boris made her feel smallish with his abuse.
But Jesus redeemed her and knew her name. She belonged to Him and she would not be afraid.